Maybe the greatest love comes with the greatest tears

fxyangl58 @ 2004-04-10T17:34:00

2004-04-10T21:39:12Z

Hi! My name is Laura. I need to die. <3

fxyangl58 @ 2003-11-15T17:13:00

2003-11-15T22:19:51Z

I gotta remember to take my medicine because right now I'm feeling really anxious and I'm trying not to cry...I hate that feeling. I really do. Before I started taking my medicine, I would feel like this every single day. I need to figure out how to make myself feel better without medicine. I really really wish I could. Damn me being so emo right now. Damn it to hell. Ok, I should go do something productive like clean my room or do my essay or drive off a cliff or something.

fxyangl58 @ 2003-11-09T22:57:00

2003-11-10T03:58:18Z

how come insecurity always seems to come with happiness? At least with me...it really frustrates me.

fxyangl58 @ 2003-10-24T16:48:00

2003-10-24T20:48:53Z

I've never felt this way before. Yeah, I had a pretty tough breakup with a bf of a year and a half but that could never compare to this. It's only been one day and I feel completely empty and hopeless. I desperately need things to do to keep my mind off it. Anyone and everyone PLEASE call me and make plans. PLEASEEEEEEEE!

fxyangl58 @ 2003-10-24T11:04:00

2003-10-24T15:06:27Z

wow i hate my life right about now.

first the whole thing with paul, then i just went to check my scores for the SATs i took a few weeks ago. I was all excited because i thought i totally killed them. i thought they were so easy and i could've sworn my score went up. well, no, it actually went down...70 FUCKING POINTS!!!!! what the hell is wrong with me?!?!?! seriously!!! then as soon as I look at them and am on the verge of tears because i'm a dumbass, my dad decides it's the perfect time to come in and yell at me. thanks dad, i love you too. the only good thing that's happening today is that i'm getting a haircut and im sure something will happen like she slips and ends up cutting a hole in my hair or something.

Living is so NOT simple

2003-10-24T03:42:43Z

We broke up. For real. I know, you all will make jokes but I think this is it...

I really hope it was for the best.

Hardcore Sweethearts

2003-10-21T15:17:26Z

I had the strangest dream last night and I don't really want to go into details but it brought out such strong emotions from me and it was kind of just scary. I remember feelings so happy but then all of a sudden desperately sad and hopeless. I woke up with a feeling that I should really change the way I do things in my life. It just makes me want to go to college so bad so I can pretty much start my life over...I can be free to do whatever I want...but it's weird because my dream wasn't even about things going on in my life...this post makes no sense, I'm just babbling but it's ok. I'm just thinking out loud. I really wish I wasn't such a hopeless romantic...

P.S. Jenn, this is NOT the dream about you making out with ryan thrift, lol. don't worry, I had no feelings about that.

fxyangl58 @ 2003-10-19T16:45:00

2003-10-19T20:52:18Z

I'm thinking about maybe going to the University of Richmond but the catch is, if I do, I can no longer date Paul. He said he didn't want to make the relationship work if it would be long distance...College is such an important decision to make and I hate having this hold me back. I love Paul a lot and it just makes it so hard if that has to happen. I would so be willing to make it work...but hey, it's his decision, I'm going to do what I think is best for me...but it still makes me sad as hell.

fxyangl58 @ 2003-10-14T20:08:00

2003-10-15T00:18:34Z

Wow my Paul is amazing. I get a call around quarter to 8 and it's paul saying 'come outside real quick.' I go outside and he's out there. "I came just to say hi and to say sorry for being dumb earlier." So....apparently he loves me or something? That's pretty damn cool.

fxyangl58 @ 2003-10-13T20:44:00

2003-10-14T00:44:28Z

I made this for Paul...Bad attempt at photoshop...I know

pooty poo

2003-10-13T22:44:39Z

Yesterday I realized that I like, desperately need Paul. He's like a drug. I'm addicted to him and I LOVE it. He makes me so happy when we're together. Today I saw him after school and all I wanted to do was hug him. Then he was laying in my lap with his eyes shut and I was just overwhelmed. It made me so happy. He's mine...all mine. And I hope he likes it that way.

my decision

2003-10-13T04:47:18Z

ok, so i've decided that my new journal myheart_cavesin will be for day to day, funny story type entries. this one will now be used for deep thoughts and probably some depressing thoughts. if you don't wanna read that shit, you can remove me from your friends list.

fxyangl58 @ 2003-10-13T00:25:00

2003-10-13T04:33:36Z

look at myheart_cavesin It's so purty.

fxyangl58 @ 2003-10-12T19:08:00

2003-10-12T23:08:13Z

Is it selfish that I want to be with you all the time?
Is it selfish that I love you too much?
Is it selfish that I want you to always be happy?
Is it selfish that I want you to be rid of any depression or sorrows?
Is it selfish that I hurt everytime you seem like you're mad at me?
Is it selfish that I stayed with you at your band practice for what...5 hours when I could have just had you take me home?
Is it selfish that I think of you all the time?
Is it selfish that I call you when I miss you?
If all those things are selfish, then you are right and I guess I'm just not good enough for you....I'm sorry.

fxyangl58 @ 2003-10-12T15:48:00

2003-10-12T19:48:32Z

New journal: myheart_cavesin

fxyangl58 @ 2003-10-12T15:27:00

2003-10-12T19:34:45Z

How come every boyfriend I've ever had loves to sleep for 23 hours of the day and for the other hour, they like to eat? WTF? Their excuse? "oh, i'm so tired, i just have to sleep more" do they not realize that maybe the reason they're so tired is because they are OVER sleeping? durrrrr! or wait, is that just an excuse for them not to hang out with me? Yeah, I bet that's it. Fuck immature boys. How about you grow up and sleep grown up hours and do grown up things.

Sorry, I can't read brail.

2003-10-09T23:32:51Z

I know a couple of days ago I said I was really happy but today I'm not. I kind of realize that I'm pretty much nothing. I don't stick out in people's minds. People don't know my name, I'm just 'that girl'. I'm not a fun person. Not even my own boyfriend thinks I'm fun. All my ideas I come up with are "stupid" or "boring" but if ANYONE else came up with it, oh yeah, it'd be such a good idea and so fun. I guess it's just me...I know when I was in Australia with all my friends from school, everyone would sit around me and listen to me talk and laugh at everything I said and people LIKED me...I mean, yeah, I can't live up to Paul who other people flock to to have a good laugh or see something crazy go on, but I think if you get to know me, I can be pretty damn fun to be with. I can make the stupidest smallest things fun...I just wanna be one of those people that go "Oh Laura? Yeah, she's so funny. She's such a cool, sweet person. Let's ask if she wants to hang out friday night." Not "Oh Paul's girlfriend? Yeah, she seems nice....so you wanna go see a movie?" It's all so frustrating...fdka;lfdjas.

fxyangl58 @ 2003-10-08T22:01:00

2003-10-09T02:01:25Z

My new sn: MyHeartCavesIn

I swear this is the last one. I SWEAR!

Don't you hate it when your vagina bleeds profusely?

2003-10-08T00:33:02Z

I haven't written a serious post in a while. I think I will now.

My life is at an all time high right now. I have many GREAT friends, an amazing boyfriend, I'm getting along fairly well with my parents, I'm doing well in school, I don't have much stress on me, and I'm so excited about college next year. I think I can contribute much of this happiness on getting help for my anxiety and depression. I hate when people say "You don't need pills to make you happy, blah blah blah." Well apparently I do because before I started taking my medicine, especially last year, I was so incredibly depressed. I would cry every night. I did horrible in school. I would act really mean to people I was close to. It was just really bad. But now I'm great! I'm usually very calm, I don't get stressed or mad about such little things. It's wonderful...I don't think there was any real point to this but I just wanted to write it done...to show that I'm happy at where my life is right now. Ok...I guess I'm done.

This is to Maddie:
You better be fucking happy. You're always the peppy one in our group. Damn, seriously, don't let a stupid guy get you down, it's so not worth it. You'll be happier soon. I sweareth.

fxyangl58 @ 2003-10-06T17:44:00

2003-10-06T22:00:29Z

[Now]
Current Mood: extremely tired
Current Music: Copeland
Current taste: saliva
Current hair: unbrushed
Current clothes: school uniform
Current Annoyance: school work
Current smell: the weird stench in my room that i think is caused by my venus fly traps
Current hate: school
Last book you read: beowolf
Last movie you saw: The Italian Job
Last time you showered: this morning

[Do you]
Smoke?: no
Do drugs?: no
Have sex?: yes
Have any gay/lesbian friends?: yes
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: yes
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: nope
Consider love a mistake?: never
Like the taste of alcohol?: no
Have a favorite candy?: kitkat
Believe in god?: yes
Have any pets?: a yellow lab and a miniature dachsund
Do well in school?: sure...except in english
Go to or plan to go to college?: plan to
Wear hats?: nah
Have any piercings?: ears, naval
Have any tattoos? yes
Hate yourself?: no
Have an obsession?: paul
Have a secret crush?: no. everyone knows about my crush.
Have a best friend?: many
Care about looks?: kinda...mainly about the way i look

[Love Life]
First crush?: dewitt hutchins in 1st grade. his mom threatened to sue my parents because I would always chase him around on the playground.
First kiss?: chris ciafardini
Ever been in love?: yes
Do you believe in "the one"?: yes
Describe your ideal significant other: well rounded, decisive, polite, spontaneous, well brought-up, good sense of family life, shaved, takes care of himself even if it means plucking his eye brows, cool breath, soft skin, pretty eyes and eye lashes, strong features, nice hair, easy to talk to, honest and respectful, and FUNNY (I REALLY like Jenn's answer)

[Juicy stuff]
Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing? no
Have you ever been intoxicated?: no
Favorite place to be kissed?: cheek
Have you ever been caught doing something?: yes
Are you a tease?: maybe sometimes
Shy to make the first move?: no

[In the past month did/have you]
Made out: yes
dated: yes
Gone to the mall: yes
Eaten an entire box of oreos: no
Eaten sushi: no
Been on stage: no
Been dumped: yes
Dumped anyone: yes
Gone skating: no
Made homemade cookies: well, i made banana bread
Been in love: yes
Gone skinny dipping: no
Dyed your hair: no
Stolen anything: just from school
Cried: maybe

fxyangl58 @ 2003-10-06T16:30:00

2003-10-06T20:32:09Z

Lunch today:
Me: OH MY GOD!! I LOVE gushers!
Aimee and Maddie: haha OH MY GOD!!
Mollie (to Andrew): Shut the fuck up! *smack the gatorade bottle from his hand*
*splash*
*Lindsay upset because now gatorade is all in her hair*

And that was in a time period of like 4 seconds. It was great....I guess you had to be there :/

Where is YOUR gina tonight?

2003-10-05T23:12:06Z

School of Rock is a great movie.
The Italian Job is a great movie.

Just thought I'd get that out first.

Today at church I talked to this old french guy who told me he was in WWII and he was talking to me about how the Germans came to his house, burnt it down and killed his parents. He ran fast enough to where he didn't get caught. Then he was telling me how he's lived all over France, he's lived in Montreal, Quebec, San Francisco, New York, Miami, Denver...ALL these places and he would just be a chef at these random places. God, he was one of the most interesting people I've ever talked to.

Then I was talking to my parents and one of their friends and I found a loophole in something that the priest said today at church and I told them and my parents friend said that I should be a lawyer. So many people have told me that. That makes me feel special.

Here is my religion project that JMU pretty much did for me...I just found the pictures and smudged the lines. (I'm so talented)

Name Four Things That You Wish You Had:
1. A life
2. More lenient parents
3. Friends that would notice if I were gone
4. Determination

Name 4 Of Your Favorite Bands:
1. One Amazin' Kid
2. Coheed and Cambria
3. Elliott
4. Last Days of April

Name Four Things That You Have Done Today:
1. Went to church
2. Kissed Paul
3. Felt stressed
4. Wished Paul was here

Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:
1. Dr. Pepper
2. Skim milk
3. water
4. kirklands if Paul has it at his house

Last Song You Sang?
Existentionalism on Prom Night by Straylight Run

Last Person You Hugged?
Paul

Last Thing You Laughed At?
CuteSpyGrl: so i was shopping with my mom yesterday and I became kinda tired from standing around holding her clothes...
CuteSpyGrl: so i sat down underneath these clothes.. like in a little cubbie... and my mom told me to rest while she goes look at other things..
CuteSpyGrl: so i'm sitting there looking at my clothes.. under all these clothes like a little kid.. and this lady comes up and is like "are you alright?" and I said back "i'm waiting for my mom"
CuteSpyGrl: then another lady comes by.. and sees me and just keeps walking by trying not to look at me
CuteSpyGrl: the end

Last Time You Said 'I Love You' And Meant It?
On the phone this afternoon with Paul

Last time you cried?
last night

What's In Your CD Player?
a mix with straylight run, boy's night out, the cranberries, semisonic, and liz phair on it (so random)

What Color Socks Are You Wearing?
yellow with flying monkeys on them that say 'pow' (paul picked them out)

What's Under Your Bed?
A fire escape ladder and a window screen

What Time Did You Wake Up Today?
7:30

Current Hair?
greasy....mmmmmmm

Current Clothes?
jeans and a blouse

Current Annoyance?
not being able to do my friggin essay

Current Desktop Picture?
just a red background

Current Worry?
whether or not I'll finish this damn essay.

Current Hate?
my procrastination

Last CD You Bought?
I think the new Dashboard CD which was like 3 months ago.

Favorite Place To Be?
in my warm bed

Least Favorite Place?
at church

If You Could Play An Instrument?
umm....piano, durr.

Favorite Color?
Red

Favorite Season?
Fall

*edit* It took me FOREVER to realize I had messed up on that lj-cut...durrrr. sorry.

fxyangl58 @ 2003-10-04T14:33:00

2003-10-04T18:35:40Z

Laura X Taken: im looking into sociology/criminal justice as a major
KLISH is SEXY: csi shit?
KLISH is SEXY: lol
KLISH is SEXY: or lawyer shit?
Laura X Taken: more like csi shit
KLISH is SEXY: i can see you all into that
Laura X Taken: or lawyer stuff, either/or
Laura X Taken: really?
KLISH is SEXY: yea
Laura X Taken: why's that?
KLISH is SEXY: cuase you were never really scared of shit like most girls

that just made my day. seriously.

fxyangl58 @ 2003-10-01T17:56:00

2003-10-01T21:59:02Z

3 things that made my day:

1)hearing about the junior that left school yesterday because someone put viagra in his drink and he had a massive boner so he was too embarassed to stay.

2)this girl melissa told me that in freshman year, she didn't know me very well so when she asked someone about me, they told her I was narcoleptic and I'll just randomly fall asleep so she'd sit in english class every day watching to see if i'd fall asleep. No...I'm not narcoleptic.

3)My mom said someone was on her "shit list" hahah.

fxyangl58 @ 2003-09-30T13:03:00

2003-09-30T17:06:10Z

*edit to last post*
Who's spoiled enough to get out of their punishment for having a messy room? that's right. Me. Mwuhahaha.

I'm so glad my parents are Catholic because their excuse for taking me off restrictions was "Jesus kept on forgiving so we will too."